Poisonous
by The Gone Angel
Summary: Valentine's Day. The day where Amy bets with Hamilton that Dan will go on a date today. Outcome? She'll have to kiss the poison. Ian Kabra bets with Sinead that Natalie will go on a date today. Outcome? Piss off Amy's boyfriend. Amy and Ian unite forces to win the bets. (I swear it's IC) (For Lovely SOS's contest) (MOSTLY HUMOR!)


_**Disclaimer: **__**Yo, I don't own this book series **__**or I'd be pwning you with my awesomeness. And I'd meet all the authors and I'd make more Evamy and Amian in the book series.**_

_**For Lovely SOS's contest. I hope you all lose. Just kidding! XD**_

_**Yes Gone, you're SO charming.**_

_**No dip, Sherlock. Gone's talking in 3rd person, which you can't do.**_

_**So...this is basically dedicated to Lovely SOS for being the BEST online (sadly), older sister! Besides Kitty Dreamer, of course!**_

The millionth time of this year where we're at each others throats. I mean, there is lots of holidays Fiske picks out to torture us with, but one of them has to be Valentine's Day. My boyfriend was also tagging along in this death threating adventure. I can't really defend myself on this topic, because Ian keeps on bringing up the time where I had slapped him in the face. Before he could strike, Jonah had reminded him that you can't hit a girl.

I had never felt so owning to someone in my life after that. Three forths of it was that he currently had poisonous nails on him, (which I ponder if he meant to poison me for the crowd, or that he simply forgot) and that one forth was that he had done his "mind melt" as Dan would say. That was just a few weeks ago on Martin Luthur King Jr. Day. I'm sure King had been pissed at Ian and me, and probably still is from Heaven. Karma was going to get us.

I grip my boyfriend's hand, and he squeezes tightly. "Will you be okay?" I ask calmly, closing my eyes for the mess that will soon take my vision. Worse, Evan will be there. Embarrasing moments. Karma somehow came to me from that slap to Ian's face.

Evan kisses my cheek. "You're saying that like we're going into war," he says. I snort, and break into a giggle fit. Evan stares at me, clueless (ha ha ha, very funny pun,) before joining in the laughter. The door opens to reveal a scowling Ian Kabra.

"Did I interrupt your love fest?" sneers Ian, a cold smirk plastered on his face. "After all, it is Valentine's Day."

I glare at him. "Who put the needles on your dollar boxers?" I exclaim, red in the face. Ian raises an eyebrow, his pale, amber eyes glittering harshly in the sunlight.

"Did you just go there?" snarls Ian, taking a few steps closer to me. I smile brightly, while Evan stood awkwardly to the side.

"Oh, but I-I did," I reply, getting angry at myself for becoming flustered and nervous which makes me start stuttering. _I _will _win this battle, Ian. _I take a step closer till our noses are inches apart, and our eyes are flaring an angry shade of both jade and amber.

Another sneer curls on his lips. "Ah, I see the resemblance of you and your brother. You both have hope and grace, and you're both CHILDISH," he murmurs cruelly. I blink back tears that want to fall as I heard him say that. _He's INSULTING my mom and grandmother, DO something, _I think angrily, but surprisingly, Evan steps in.

"Don't you dare say that to her!" exclaims Evan, "She's a better person than you'll ever be, Cobra!" I freeze, eyes widening. Ian hates being called Cobra...and by my boyfriend? Evan comes up behind me, and grabs the collar of Ian's shirt. "You're just a murderer like your mother in jail." Ian held a gaze with Evan that held mostly anger..but also fear and hurt?

"Who _are _you, getting into my family's bloody business?" screams Ian, a fierce fiery of light lit in his eyes, "You're just a commoner, a peasant that is messing with me. You have NO style whatsoever. Replace your glasses with contacts, you git, because even that will still be far from perfect!" He spat at Evan, and whirls around to enter back inside.

"You- you..." I whisper to Evan, "Went against Ian?" I glance at him with an admirable expression. "Good way to set him straight, but I'm going to get in trouble."

Evan smiles sadly. "I'm sorry for you getting in trouble because of my actions. I'm going to leave," he replies.

"Don't take what Ian says personally; he's a jerk," I mutter.

"I'm not part of whatever he was edgy about. I don't want anymore trouble to be around," Evan murmurs.

"There's ALWAYS trouble!" I protest, "Dan and Natalie fight with real swords and poison darts ALL the time, and Ian and me agrue about Mad-" I cut off myself abruptly, realizing that Evan wasn't a Cahill. He didn't know.

"Swords and darts?!" exclaims Evan, "What kind of monsters are your family?"

My eyes harden slightly. My boyfriend didn't have the right to insult my family, even though some of them are monsters still. "W-we aren't monsters, Evan," I growl, "I think you should leave."

I close the door behind me.

* * *

Inside was a bunch of Cahills whispering quietly to each other, and some playing board games. I sigh with relief. _Maybe there will be no fighting for once, _I think. I sit myself next to Hamilton, a wide grin on my face.

"Everyone is getting along," I say excitedly.

"Expect you and Ian, Amy," teases Hamilton, "It's Valentine's Day and you're at each others throats, ready to probably rip both of your hearts out!" I stare at him disgustedly.

"Where do you come up with that horrible stuff?" I ask. Hamilton smiles at me.

"If you play video games against Dan, you'd understand." Hamilton laughs. "Hey, Mario Kart just started. Wanna get there before the- Dang it!"

"What?" I say boredly.

"Dan, Natalie, Ian, and Ned got to the controllers already. We'll wait to play with Sinead and Jonah, then Nellie, Reagan, Madison, and Phoenix will play. Hey, where's that boyfriend of yours?" Hamilton replies.

I bit my lip, glancing at Ian, who glares back at me. "He left," I lie, and continue, "He was scared of our wrath." I lean against Hamilton's elbow, watching the Mario Kart game progess.

"Yes!" exclaims Dan, "1st place for the win!" He threw a bag of Lays potato chips in the chair, then caught a few in his mouth. He crunches loudly on them, just to annoy Natalie.

"2nd..." mutters Ian, "I swear to god, that white, green spotted giraffe is as slow as Natalie carrying her luggage!" Natalie glares at him.

"At least I know your character's name is Yoshi...what kind of name is that?" exclaims Natalie, "That's stupid. Like: 'What should we name him, dear? Henry? Amian? Hammer? Oh, I know! Yoshi!'"

"That's a terrible name," mocks Sinead, using a gruff, man-like voice.

"Yoshi uses...red shell!" yells Reagan, pushing her twin, Madison, into the table.

Ian rolls his eyes. "As cheerful as this is, shouldn't Natalie and Dan be together since Dan is Mario and Natalie is Princess Peach?" he asks slyly. I start to laugh at my brother for getting himself into this. Soon, the whole Cahill clan was laughing.

Ian mock bows. "Thank you."

Ned rolls his eyes. "Go suck my spikes, Ian." That made Dan say, "BURN!" and Hamilton to let out a booming laugh.

Ian and Natalie frown, while I shrug at them. Ian glares at me again, as if to say, _Your boyfriend is a bloody jerk._

I raise an eyebrow. I mouth, "And you aren't?"

Ian smirks proudly, saying out loud, "You just like staring at me, don't you? I see drool from the side of your mouth."

I look away, blushing madly. _Stupid Cobra. _"I'm glad Ned knocked you off the waterfall in Yoshi Falls," I say.

"Wanna play a round with us, sis?" asks Dan, "Ned, give up the controller. You're in 4th, so you give up your spot."

"Nah, let Nellie take my place," I say. I turn back to Hamilton.

"I bet Dan won't find a date today, since it's romance day of the season," says Hamilton in a teasing matter. I, on the other hand, took him quite seriously.

"Want to bet?" I ask with a scowl. Hamilton attempts a Kabra smirk, which he fails at.

"Sure," he says, shaking my hand. "If he doesn't, you kiss Ian. Okay?"

I smirk, gripping my jade necklace. "Game on."

* * *

"What was I thinking?" I scream at my One Direction poster. "I'm going to have to kiss him, snake of the world! Ugh!"

"I find this highly amusing of you, Amy." There stood Ian, leaning against my door.

"Heard of privacy?" I snap, about to slam my door. Ian held the door, and enters into my bedroom.

"I heard you might have to kiss me if you lose your bet of something." Ian flashes a charming, infuriating grin. "Well, I'm holding a bet with Sinead. If I can get Natalie on a date. I refused to give up. The punishment is going to your boyfriend's house and saying I'm your boyfriend now."

I scowl. "Are you playing around with me, Ian?"

Ian smirks. "I always do." He steps closer. "But it's true."

Suddenly, I got an idea. "Ian! We will put Dan and Natalie together!" I exclaim. I wait for a response.

Ian chuckles, then laughs. "That's a stupid idea," he comments.

"Well, it would make them stop arguing, and do you think Natalie and Hamilton would work out, or Dan and Madison?" I snap at him, "Besides, we could team up. Madrigals are peaceful, and Lucians have pretty good plans up their sleeves."

"Peaceful like this morning?" grumbles Ian, "Anyways, Madison and Dan is an interesting couple. Where did you think of that?" I roll my eyes, and face-palm.

"You acted like someone set fire to your teddy bear," I say, "You are infuriating."

Ian glares at me. "I do NOT have a teddy bear!" he exclaims.

"Yes, you do," I point out, "I saw it behind your dollar sign boxers. Going Amercian style, are you?"

"Shut up," he mutters dully, "Get on with your plan, _Aphrodite._"

I growl to myself, making him smirk. "Plan 1: Mess with their minds, _Cupid._"

* * *

"Ian! You press the green button to speak through the walkie-talkie, not the red button!" I exclaim.

"But I _like _the red button!" protests Ian.

"The red button is useless," I argue, "It only makes a noise like when a television goes gray, and it messes with the connection."

"Red isn't useless, it's the color of my branch!" declares Ian, "Green is for those idiotic Janus."

"IAN," I say through grit teeth, "This isn't a battle against branch colors, it's cheap spy equipment!"

Ian laughs. "I was messing around with you. Ah, this day will be endearing."

I groan.

* * *

"Hey, Natalie," I say, adding a smile after.

"What, peasant?" snaps Natalie, "I'm in a bet with Dan that I can beat him in Mortal Kombat, or whatever his petty game is called."

I give a roll of my eyes. "Did you know on Valentine's Day you have to kiss the person you hate?" I ask with a smirk, "It is an American thing."

Natalie flips her hair, fiddling with the strains of hair that Nellie dyed purple. "What? Oh. You Americans always have the MOST twisted things in the world. What's the source of entertainment in watching people get pranked, or embarrassed?" she asks smoothly.

"I thought that's what Lucians do in their free time," I reply.

Natalie finally glances at me, her dark eyes full of amusement and boredom. "Lucians barely ever have free time, and when they do, _they kill the traitors." _

"But you have to kiss someone you hate," I coax.

Natalie looks at me with disgust. "Why would I kiss my mum- I mean, Isabel? Do you expect me to be lesbian, Amy?"

I blush a tinge of pink and red. "Don't you hate Dan?" I ask. Natalie rolls her eyes.

"Oh, I see where this is going. No. We've been getting along fine, and some of his video games, I admit, are _fun _to play. Mario Kart, for example. I'm keen on beating him." Natalie smiles at me wickedly. "Now why don't you go kiss Ian, since you hate him so much?"

I freeze, eyes widening.

"Amy, I'm not stupid. Kissing the person you hate is only when there's a mistletoe above you. It always is someone you hate," Natalie mutters, probably remembering Christmas, the holiday of the food fights and poisonous mistletoes dropping from the sky.

I remember Jonah designing the mistletoes, and Ian adding the poison on them. Nellie had dropped them from the sky. I had hoped Fiske was proud of what the Madrigals did to us, making those two work together.

"Ummm..." I murmur, not wanting to speak, or I'd stutter.

"If you excuse me, I'm going to kick his butt," proclaims Natalie.

I let her leave.

* * *

Sinead and Hamilton grin at the two figures frozen in front of them.

"They HAD a date in front of the television, playing bloody video games and Dan convinced Natalie to eat skittles. They must love each other!" Ian claims desperately, looking like he did NOT want to go to my boyfriend's house.

"She FAKED eating it, and if she did eat it, it was the red skittles, for her branch color," Hamilton says boredly, "You have to kiss each other."

"I-I-I demand a refund." Me.

"I'll sue you by stealing Amy's money." Ian.

"I'd rather eat s-something Ian makes for 'food.'" Me.

"I'd rather run outside naked." Ian.

"Really?" A grinning Dan asks, with Natalie by his side.

"We heard all about your bets, brother," purrs Natalie, "I just HAD to make you lose."

Dan chuckles. "I find this super funny. I'm not staying for the kiss, although, I'll take Ian to Evan's house."

Ian and Amy pale, eyes narrowing. "We'll get you for this," Ian replies coldly as Natalie and Dan smirk.

"I need to teach you how to smirk," insists Natalie to Dan.

"Speaking of smirking, where did Amy learn to smirk?" addresses Dan.

"By staring at Ian," Sinead replies, earning a high-five from Dan. I blush madly.

"Sinead! I swear to god I'll write a love song between you and Jonah!" I exclaim angrily.

Ian, on the other hand, calms down fast. He smirks. "So, Amy? Are we going to kiss or not?" This earns another blush from me.

Hamilton turns on the radio, putting in a CD Natalie gave him. Kiss You by One Direction started playing.

"I know this song," I mutter, "WHO GOT THIS OUT OF MY ROOM?!"

"Me." Dan.

"DAAAAN!" I scream, "Why?!"

"It's funny. I'm going to hide behind my- AHHH!"

The reason for his scream was because of two things.

1. Ian kissed me.

2. My boyfriend barged in.

"Can this get any more cliche?" groans Dan. Natalie rolls her eyes.

Evan stares. "Aren't you both cousins?"

Sinead laughs. "It's very distant, Evan." She shook his hand. "Pleased to meet you at this crisis. I'm Sinead Starling, that idiot kissing your girlfriend is Ian Kabra-"

Evan's eyes fill with hatred hearing Ian's name. "You're the guy from this morning...Amy hates you."

"I guess that changed," sneers Ian, "She's my girlfriend."

Natalie snickers, "You have no fashion sense. My distant cousin deserves better, after all."

My eyes widen. "Evan. This a pra-" Ian covers my mouth.

"Get out of here," Ian says coldly, "You aren't welcome."

"Troll got trolled!" calls out Dan.

Evan's eyes advert to me. "Bye," he says sharply, and leaves.

"Ian, I hate you for ruining my relationship," I hiss, "Sinead, everyone- I HATE YOU ALL!" I run away from the sorry, sneering, and laughing faces of my distant cousins, with tears in my eyes.

* * *

A loud bang. I blink open my eyes, yawning. A knock at my door.

"Amy." That certain British voice. I open the door to say a cheerful hello, but then I remember...

"You're apologizing to Evan _now. _Bring Sinead, Hamilton, Dan, and Natalie. You all are apologizing with me," I sputter out angrily, yanking him across the hallway.

"For having some fun?" asks Ian innocently, amber eyes gleaming. "Really, Amy, I thought you _loved _me."

I ignore him.

"Are you using silent treatment on me, _love?"_

That snaps my attention. He called me that once during the clue hunt..."Shut up," I growl.

"Lovely little Amy," muses Ian with a smirk. I dig my nails into his wrist.

"_Shut up!" _I yell forcefully. _South Korea...lovely...coin...cave._

"You fell hard for me, didn't you?" taunts Ian, "You just _adored _me."

"I-I thought you had something good in you, that's all. B-But you didn't," I answer curtly, stuttering slightly. Ian frowns.

"I'll get Dan and Natalie, you get Hamilton and Sinead," replies Ian, a frown still on his face.

I attempt a sneer at him before running towards where they'd probably be- the kitchen, test cooking with Nellie.

"Sinead, Hamilton!" I yell loudly. The two glance at me, a hopeful look in their eyes. "You're coming with me to apologize to Evan. Now."

Dejectedly, Hamilton and Sinead walk towards me. "Sorry," they mutter.

"Say it to Evan," I snap furiously, walking past them. My phone rang.

**Evan Tolliver**

I smile, and answer it. "Evan, I'm so sorry. It was a prank. I'm sorry! I'll get my family to apologize," I exclaim, turning it to speaker.

"Amy," Evan says seriously, "Why?"

"I bet against Hamilton that I'd get Dan on a date today, but if not, I'd have to kiss Ian. Ian bet with Sinead that Natalie could get on a date today, but if not, he'd have to tell you he's my boyfriend," I mutter.

Silence.

Then a laugh. "Your family is crazy," says Evan. I laugh along with him.

"Agreed," I reply.

"Sorry!" exclaims Sinead and Hamilton.

"It's fine," Evan answers.

Dan and Natalie say in a sulky tone, "Sorry."

"Can we go back to playing Mortal Kombat now, Master?" drawls Dan.

"Yes, whatever," I say, "Ian Kabra, get your butt over here and apologize."

"Sorry," mutters Ian, "For not being sorry."

"Burn!" sings Dan.

"The feeling is mutual," replies Evan before cutting off the line.

"Ian," I almost snarl.

"What, _love_?" he asks innocently, a grin on his face.

* * *

**I hope it doesn't suck.**

**Read and Review, you won't regret the read (I think.)**

**Lovely, I hope you like how I worked hours on making them close to IC (I worked over-hard on Ian and Evan.)**

**~Gone**


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